HUMBLING EXPERIENCE

Oierren ganbaratik hau irakurri eta hona ekartzea erabaki dut:

Last Tuesday was 6 months since I arrived in London. And 9 since the last time I saw a patient on my own. Yes, such a long time and, as you’ll see in the next lines, I still keep trying to learn proper British English... Perhaps that’s the reason why I just started writing these few words in that language which, believe or not, want or not, is embracing me tighter little by little. If you’ve already thought that this is too freaky, please stop reading and carry on with your duties. To be honest, doing just what I feel I should do is one of the first lessons I’ve learnt so far, so don’t be polite and stop reading if you just feel that you should do so.
It’s been a long time since I last wrote. Yes, I was too busy and tired of being in front of the computer. I am not in love, nor trying to be so (as some of you have suggested). Besides, I have no longer internet connection at home. Yes, I’m in the lab again. Although I haven’t written for such a long time, the brain never stopped; and even less while beeing busy. Every time I feel happy, see something special or just feel lucky for being here I think that I should write it down here. But it is usually when I am far from any computer. It’s curious. What I also clearly thought is that this mail should be in English. That’s the way it is.
Some of you already know that during Christmas time I was in the Pyrenees with my brother and his friends, or that in last January Javier my Paraguayan friend from Barcelona stayed here for a week. But this time I won’t speak much about what has happened “outside”; instead, I’ll write about what’s happened inside during the last months.
The summary could be that I feel lost more often than what I used to. In the beginning this feeling was accompanied by frustration. I came here with too many perfect ideas, too many prejudgements, too many high-level-aims, too many goodbye-sweet-compliments in my suitcase... and the first months were a rather tough period, in which I could see how all those pretty ideas and thoughts were falling down one by one. It has been like beginning everything almost from scratch. I thought I was a proper doctor, with my specialty and someone to be respected in a hospital; but here (obviously) no one knew/knows anything about it, and no one is keen on giving anything for free. I also thought that, although I like being with my family and friends, I would enjoy being free and would find good friends soon, and thus occasional cyber-contact would be enough for both of us... Likewise, after having lived in so many places and having met so many people, I thought I could learn little more about human relationships, reactions, behaviour,... I even thought English wouldn’t be an issue any more, and English people were known to me long time ago. Yes, I came here feeling like feak Super-Oier, the one that knew everything and the one that should had been received as a hero... I didn’t realize about it at that time, but now I understand it like that. One of the most sad things is that I even thought that I knew enough about myself. Jajajajaajaja... life is amazing.
The last couple of months reality has been shown to me increasingly clear. The fog is vanishing now, and after accepting it just how it is, I feel better. Frustration has disappeared and a new understanding of surrounding things guides me in and out the city. Now I can see that regardless the sadness, loneliness, remorse and/or frustration that I could feel (and would feel in the future) there is something else. Something that I couldn’t see before. Something that other people who have lived abroad talked about before. I don’t really know how long this feeling’s effect will last or what the consequence of it will be, but I feel thankful. In the last months, although I haven’t been clearly awarded in the professional field, I’ve seen/lived situations, met and talked to people, been told about stories or thought about things that I will probably do never again; or perhaps I’ll do, who knows. Basic things like friendship, family, love, honesty, truth, well-being, happiness, confidence and balance are compulsory; as well as many other negative things.
Today, after a brief period of changes (half a year), after having composed new songs again, after having started reading out of medicine books, after having been in North-Wales during last weekend and certainly after feeling so lucky, (and after this long dissertation) I wanted to share this moment with you. Have a very nice day.

Hitz barik utzi nauenez, Oierrengan, maiz, pentsarazi egin didan kanta bat entzungo dut... ez dakit zergatik, baina horrela gertatu zait askotan... kanta hau bere eskuartean zerbait berezia izan daitekelako. Ziur nago.



Animo krak!!!!